Rituals For The Second Half Of Life

And why we need a virtual library of midlife rites and rituals.

I have always been a sucker for rituals. Those familiar traditions that give life a predictable rhythm and foster a sense of connection and belonging. While all the rituals that have been a part of my life until now have shared a familial theme, it’s the entirely unremarkable ones that I recollect most fondly.

Like Saturday lunch (growing up in the 70’s) when we’d religiously come together at the kitchen table, with its canary yellow, vinyl padded chairs and the Goon Show playing on the ‘wireless’ in the background. Or the three-part canons that my mum, sister and I would sing, that herald the beginning of a family road trip.

Similarly, life with my own family has been peppered with an assortment of unremarkable rituals that have provided life with a predictable and comforting cadence. Like our “words” … a (secret) mantra that was always the last thing I’d say to my kids before they went to sleep. I can’t recall when our ‘words’ ritual stopped. I guess it just petered out imperceptibly over time, until one day, when they decided that they didn’t want them anymore. Sometimes now, before I sleep, I recite their respective ‘words’ in my head. I imagine their heavy, little sleepy eyes staring up at me and wish I could rewind time. Ironically those ‘words’ now give me comfort. The ritual has gone full circle.

All the rituals that have been woven through my life to date, have been affixed to the familial scaffolding that has underpinned it. As that scaffolding was dismantled, so too were the rituals. One by one, as the doors shut behind my own childhood, my marriage and each stage of mothering, another ritual exited alongside it. None, it seemed, were attached to me alone or the changing shape of my family.

With my parental duties now limited to the odd crisis management role, I’ve decided to replenish my reservoir of rituals by planting the seeds for some new rituals that I hope will grow and seamlessly intertwine themselves around all the new boughs of life after fifty. New rituals that will become embedded in my life story moving forward and that I’ll look back on with the same fondness as the ones I’m leaving behind.

I’ve done some brainstorming … let’s just say the list requires some refinement … but it’s a start and I’m sharing a few ideas here, in the hope that one might resonate with someone else or spark an idea for a new ritual of your own.

Rituals For The Second Half Of Life

1. Annual Erection Party

   Cool your jets. This is a G rated affair (borrowed from my friends Therese and Pete). Since my adult (grinchish) kids show indifference disdain towards anything that even resembles a collaborative tree decorating and carols soiree (I know… irresistible right?)… I’ve decided to initiate my own new Christmas ritual that will help to restore some festive spirit. On the first Saturday afternoon in December, I plan to ‘erect’ my Christmas tree and meld this with a ‘gathering’ of sorts (an erection party if you will). Every guest will be presented with a plain, glass bauble and (festively coloured) permanent marker… with a request to decorate it however they see fit. There will be Christmas cocktails to get the creative juices flowing and some cool, jazzy carols to get the party started. Hopefully, by the end of the day, I’ll have a bin full of empty bottles, a croaky voice from laughing, sore feet from dancing and a fully decorated tree covered in hilarious baubles that’ll keep me on a ‘festive high’ until Christmas.

2. Cards On The Table

   A monthly girl’s night of cards, conversation, and wine. A ritual to force me out of my introverty comfort zone and harness the power of real and uncensored conversations between friends… all under the ‘cards on the table’ cone of silence.

3. OOO (One On One Getaway)

   When my youngest kid left home... like actually walked out the door for the last time (as a permanent resident), he looked back over his shoulder and yelled “Mum ... I left some washing in the machine. Can you hang it out for me please?” Then the door closed, and he was gone. Yep ... twenty something years of parenting ended with a meaningful exchange about laundry. Cool. This inconsequential exchange dwarfed the magnitude of the moment. A million goodbyes had led to this day and no goodbye would ever be the same again. Logically I knew that our lives would remain closely intertwined, but the bindings that connected us had loosened and I needed time to grow used to this new roomier fit. So, I feel like I want to incorporate at least one ritual dedicated to some serious one on one time with each of my kids. An annual ‘one on one’ getaway … it might be as simple as a weekend in the city, seeing a show, taking walks, and sharing meals or a more elaborate getaway, further afield. Just time carved out to hang out.

4. Date Me Day

   I’m conscious that none of the rituals I have brainstormed above are exclusively about me, which is why I am including this one … which if I’m honest feels a little self-indulgent and not as fun (which probs raises an entirely other issue for therapy). Anyhoo… I am going to commit to a monthly ‘date day’ with myself. It might be a movie and lunch, a hike, a ferry trip to somewhere I haven’t been … whatever it is … it’ll just be me … nurturing my relationship with me. Hopefully I’ll want a second date!

How awesome would it be, if there was a virtual library of midlife rites and rituals complied from the ideas of an army of midlifers, from which we could all borrow? Ones that might eventually become as ingrained in the cultural narrative as all those that have peppered and punctuated our lives to date.

So, on that note…. Hit me up in the comments below with any ideas for ‘midlife and beyond’ rituals that you’ve incorporated into your life... or any that you think you’d like to try.

Ang x